I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
