I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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