I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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