apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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