Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
