someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
