Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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