They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
