No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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