just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
