She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
