Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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