i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
