Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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