you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
