I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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