***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
