just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
