and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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