Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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