i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
