Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize