Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
