first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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