she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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