the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
