I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
