i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
