why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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