Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize