don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
