can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
