these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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