life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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