It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
