Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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