Buhtt sex?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
