...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
