mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
