I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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