everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
