Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
