I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
