My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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