I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize