I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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