I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
