sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
