I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize