who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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