No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
