Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
