If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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