If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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