I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
