There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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