I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
