Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
