we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
