I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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