I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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