Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
