why didn't you poke me back
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
