I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
