Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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