haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
