I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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