I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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