"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
