hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
