I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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