I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
